Books of and About Romance
CHAPTER SEVEN: THE GARDEN
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REAR VIEW MIRROR THE CONTEMPORARY ROMANCE
C. Callinsky
PART ONE: TRUE LOVE
Chapter Seven: The Garden
When I was little, we shopped at the Goodwill because that was all we could afford. I remember going with Mom one day and seeing a lamp. I fell in love with that lamp. It had a girl holding a dog. It had no color left on it and no shade but I loved it. I begged my mom to buy it and she finally agreed. I knew that we didn’t have the money for it but she took it home anyway, rewired it, took days painting it, and made a shade for it. It was beautiful and I was so excited. It wasn’t dry yet so I couldn’t touch it. Angie and I were running around the house like crazy children do. That night we were acting like ferocious dogs. Mom kept telling us to calm down because the lamp was still drying. Of course we didn’t listen. We kept running and cavorting through the house on all fours when one of us caught the lamp cord with our dog leg. That lamp came flying down, hit the floor, and broke into lots of little pieces. I cried and cried and cried until I finally fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up to find that lamp on my nightstand. My mom had stayed up all night gluing it back together piece-by-piece and re-painting over the recently glued cracks. It was beautiful. I ran downstairs and threw my arms around her.
My mom had some bad issues, but she was also a very good person. She just had so much animosity towards my dad.
My dad is a very funny man. When he tells you a joke, you think he is telling you a true story until you hear the punch line.
When we were in high school, my dad got into gardening. He had a huge garden that took up part of our big fenced-in back yard. He would grow all kinds of stuff from vegetables to fruit. It was a learning experience for him because he was always trying different things. When he had something new he had grown he would get all excited and make everyone come out and look, but my mom was never impressed.
One time in early spring, Dad started working in the garden, but he was spending even more time out there than he usually did. Everyone was trying to get out of him what he was growing this time. He wouldn’t tell anyone because it was a surprise. He would take care of the garden before he went to work, then come home at night, water it, and cover it for protection against possible frost. He carried on like that for a good two weeks. He was always out there working on that thing.
One afternoon, he came running into the house all excited. “They’re coming up! They’re coming up!” By this time we were all dying to see what he was growing. It must be something really neat.
My mom, my sister Angie, and I all went running out there to see. The big plastic frost covers were still over whatever he was growing.
Dad was ecstatic. “You ready?”
We were all jumping up and down screaming, “Yeah, yeah, we’re ready!”
Dad flipped a cover over. We all leant in really close to make out what was sprouting from the ground. There were thousands of pieces of spaghetti noodles that recently broke ground.
My sister and I both lost it. We were absolutely hysterical. We were doubled over and laughing so hard we were crying. Oh my God. This was so funny. My dad’s a spaghetti freak. The whole family was always giving him shit because he would eat spaghetti every day, multiple times a day if he was allowed. Everyone in the family was sick of it because we had to eat it so much.
Now I understand why he would work on it before leaving for the service station in the wee hours of the morning. He had to do it when it was too dark for us to see what he was actually doing. I can’t believe he spent two weeks stringing us on like that. He was so damn good.
My mom doesn’t like being fooled. She did not find it funny at all. She was so pissed off at him. She was mad for a good two weeks.
Okay, enough of the past, woman. Focus on Jim. Figure out how you can handle this. Hell, I just got my shit back together a couple of years ago. This is really going to be hard. Let’s get logical. We have come this far in four months. If he is only gone six months, we will still have a good nine months left when he returns. Anything can happen in nine months; look at what’s happened in four. There. That takes care of that, but it doesn’t ease my worries over him. He could get hurt or killed. Okay, you need to think about that by yourself or after he’s left. Remember, enjoy this time because you don’t have much left with him.
We spend every minute we can together. I try very hard to keep it light and happy because I don’t want him to feel worse than he already does. He goes home for two weeks to visit his family and I spend most evenings crying myself to sleep. Being without him for two weeks is killing me. How can I deal with six months? I’ll be a total mess. I speak with Jimmy every night on the phone when he is visiting home. I always get myself upbeat because I refuse to bring him down.
I actually get to talk to his mom, Kim, when he is at her house and we totally hit it off. We exchange addresses and we promise to write to each other. I’m sure that she is freaked out, too.
By the time Jimmy returns from Cali, we have less than a week left because his Battalion is leaving January 3rd. As soon as he gets back from Cali he has to get a haircut. The Army is making him get a buzz cut because of the deployment. I haven’t even seen him yet. I’m dying just to see him when he calls me.
“Hey.”
“Hey Jimmy. When you gonna be here?”
“I don’t know.”
I can tell something is badly wrong. Man, this sucks. He’s probably decided it would be easier to just cut things off now. I can’t believe this is happening. “Honey, what’s wrong? I can’t wait to see you.”
“I look terrible. My hair’s gone. I don’t want you to see me.”
Goodnight! He could be totally bald for all I care. “Jim, I love you. I don’t care what your hair looks like. I’m not in love with your hair. Just come over please.”
There is some silence. “OK, but I look retarded.”
He finally shows up. I run out to meet him, throw my arms around him, and I don’t ever want to let go. His hair is short, but he is still as handsome as the day I met him.
I look into his eyes, trying not to cry, but my voice is all choky and my eyes are watery. “God, I have missed you so much.” We kiss in the front yard and it’s such a tender moment.
He pulls out a gift for me. “You didn’t have to do that, Jim. I don’t expect anything from you.”
“Go ahead. Open it. I think you’ll like it.”
You don’t have to tell me twice. I start to rip the paper off and open a long thin box to reveal a long thick gold chain.
He points at my neckline. “Now you can take that suede off and put that ring on something more appropriate.” Jim is smiling so sweet.
At that point I do start to cry and I throw my arms around him, again. I whisper in his ear, “I love you so much, Jim.”
He returns my hug and whispers in my ear, “Cindy, I love you, too.”
He helps me put the necklace on that is now showcasing his gold class ring and we head into the house.
I break out the camcorder that we got as a family gift for Christmas. I have to get some video of Jimmy.
I start recording and Dad starts giving Jimmy a rash of shit. “Man, they really did screw up your hair didn’t they, Jim?” My dad is laughing. Jim’s giggling. At that point I start giggling.
Dad says, “Turn your head.” Jim turns his head. “No, the other way.” Jimmy turns it the other way. Dad starts giggling. “You look funny.” Jimmy’s still laughing.
Jimmy turns to me. “Will you get that thing off me now?” He is referring to the camcorder.
Dad looks at Jimmy. “Don’t you hate it? I hate it when they put that thing on me.” We are all giggling and laughing.
“Jim, smile big so I can get a good close up.” He is smiling and laughing but fidgeting the whole time. I can tell that it makes him a little uncomfortable. I need a really good shot before I can quit, though. Just one more trick.
“Jim!” He looks at me/the camcorder all straight-faced. “You have a booger.”
He starts cracking up. There we go. That’ll work. I won’t tease him anymore for now.
Jimmy and I spend as much time together as possible, but the last night we spend together is torture. When he leaves that morning, I’m very close to losing it. I lie in bed and cry for two days straight. This is absolutely horrible and my heart hurts so much.
I’m alone most of the time. When I work, it is usually nights and my dad stays at his girlfriend’s a lot. If it wasn’t for work, I would probably never leave the house.
My days consist of writing Jimmy, watching CNN all morning, going to work, coming home, and watching CNN until I cry myself to sleep. Then I get up and do the same thing over again.
Every once in a while Jim will call in the wee hours of the morning. I sleep with the phone next to my bed every night and it is always so wonderful to hear his voice, but every time he calls, it makes it hard all over again. I feel like someone has ripped my heart out and is continually stomping on it.
It takes a while to start getting Jimmy’s letters. Once they start arriving, I wait for the mailman every day. If the mailman doesn’t get to the house before I have to leave for work, I call home to try and catch my dad to see if I have a letter.
After about three weeks of this, my sister Kay Kay comes to talk to me. Dad always calls her when he is worried about me. She comes by and talks some sense into me. I really don’t feel like doing much. My twenty-first birthday is coming up on the 28th. She suggests that we get together and go out. Okay, I will. I’ll be legal and it will do me some good to get out of this house. I can’t stay in here hiding day in and day out. I have to get back out into the world. I get off my ass and call Candie. I find out an old childhood friend, Jonel, is in town. She’s a crazy redhead and she has a twin brother. They rented one of the houses across the street from us many years ago. I used to hang out with her a lot in junior high school and I haven’t seen her in years. I get her number from Candie and give her a ring to see if she wants to go out with me and Kay Kay on my twenty-first birthday. She is game and excited to catch up. I manage to make it through the week and get to my birthday.
I can’t believe it when Jonel rolls up. She has turned into a very beautiful woman. She is tall and very thin and her deep red hair softly curls half way down her back. She looks like a model.
“God, Jonel, you look wonderful.” She is wearing a royal blue sweater and a black mini skirt. We give each other a big hug.
“Thank you. You look really good, too.”
As we are heading down to CI Shenanigans on Ruston Way, she fills me and Kay Kay in on her life. She has been dating the same guy for a very long time. She thinks they will probably get married soon. That’s so great. I’m glad that her life has turned out so well. I tell her all about Jimmy.
We are there shortly. CI Shenanigans is beautiful. It is a restaurant that extends off the strip out over the bay. The top section is a bar and I have never been inside. I thought it would be a great place to start. We head in.
I’m wearing beige pants, a beige shirt, and my dad’s wool button up fisherman’s sweater. I love this thing. Years ago someone washed it and shrunk it by accident. I think it was me actually, but now it fits me perfectly.
We start drinking all kinds of concoctions. We sit around and talk and take a lot of pictures. As it gets later it starts morphing into a meat market. Guys are starting to bother us so we decide to go down the road to The Spar. It’s a tavern with pool tables and dartboards. It still looks out over the bay, but it should be much more laid back.
When we get to The Spar, we are much happier because it isn’t a meat market, but a typical tavern. Everyone is hanging out enjoying themselves. We start drinking beer now. We’re having a blast talking to everyone. We actually meet some of the Tacoma Stars Soccer players. My dad used to take me to their games when I was younger. They played in the Tacoma Dome, which is walking distance from my house. It is about two blocks down from Old McKinley Park.
We close The Spar down and hit an after-hours party. I’m way too many sheets to the wind at this point and I need to get home soon. Finally, we head out. It’s been fun and we have taken two rolls of film that I can’t wait to get developed so I can send pictures to Jimmy. I wish he was here with me, but at least I can share the experience with him somewhat by sending the pictures.
I feel better the following day. I don’t feel so hopeless and depressed. I write Jimmy a letter telling him all about the night. I’ve been writing him every day. I head out to the mall and drop off the film at One-Hour-Photo. While I wait on the film, I start picking up stuff for him for Valentine’s Day. I need to get it done and mailed so it reaches him in time. I probably should have already sent it. I find a really big basket and buy all kinds of candy and sweets to load it with. I spend a good hour looking for just the right card. As I’m heading out to pick up the film, I see “We Support Our Troops” shirts that you can get customized. I get one with Jimmy’s name on it and his Engineering Battalion.
As soon as I get back to the house I change into my new shirt and make Jimmy’s Valentine’s basket up. I listen to some Guns N’ Roses today. I have to be careful about what I listen to because I don’t want to send myself down into a spiral.
I head to the post office to mail everything off. I send the basket, letters, and pictures separate because that is more stuff for him. They probably won’t arrive on the same day. I know the letters I’m getting from him are arriving at goofy times. I get one and the next one I get is from a week prior.
I go rent some comedies and head back to the house. I’m hoping they will help me keep the mood up. I have a nice day by myself. I write Jimmy before I go to bed. This is the first night I don’t cry myself to sleep.
The phone wakes me up a little after 3:00 in the morning and I’m instantly excited.
“Jimmy?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“How are you, sweetie? How’re things going?” He can’t tell me where they are at or anything. I learned that early on.
“I’m OK. I called last night. I wanted to wish you happy birthday. Where were you?”
That is so sweet, but now he is worried, I can hear it in his voice. He probably called about 3:00 in the morning and I wasn’t home yet.
“God Jim, I’m so sorry. Kay Kay, Jonel, and I went out to CI Shenanigans and The Spar. Then we went to an after-hours party. If I had known you were gonna call, I would have been home earlier.”
“It’s OK. I just figured you’d be home by then. Who’s Jonel?” I can tell that it isn’t okay and that it’s bothering him. Hopefully when he gets all of the photos he’ll feel better. I should have told him I sent them. It would have made him feel better. It didn’t click that in trying to surprise him, I would probably be causing him doubts for another two weeks.
“She used to live across the street a long time ago. I haven’t seen her for years. She was in town so we got together.”
This sucks. This is what distance does. I hate this shit. If he was here, this wouldn’t be a problem because he wouldn’t doubt my loyalties. I’m sure him not knowing Jonel doesn’t help either.
“I have to go.”
They rarely get to use the phone and when they can it is not for long. I wonder what he had to do to use it on my birthday and again the following night. I don’t even want to know. I feel like such an ass.
“Jimmy, I love you. I’ll be waiting for you until you get back. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you, too.” And the line goes dead.
I can’t believe this is happening. That was the first night that I have gone out since he left. I should have just come home at 2:00. Now, I’m upset. I get up and go to the corner of my now clean room and grab Jimmy’s sweater. It still smells like him. I hug it like a baby blanket and start re-reading his letters while I cry. I keep thinking to myself that all I can do is be here for him when he gets back and hope it all works out. I finally cry myself back to sleep.
Things seem to get a little better over the next few weeks. When Jimmy calls, he sounds better. I’m sure that the Valentine’s basket and the photos helped.
I have been hanging out with my sister-in-law Terry, going to little hole-in-the-wall taverns a lot. I’m still working at the video store. The only problem is that my car is forever breaking down and Jimmy isn’t there to meet me anymore. Most of my brothers are mechanics as is my dad, but they are all getting sick of working on it for me. My brother Kenneth replaced the flywheel. He had to pull the transmission out to do that. A few months later the transmission went out and he replaced that for me. I take it in and pay to have the generator removed and an alternator put in, but it still doesn’t start half the time.
I have pretty much taken over that old, beat up, beige Ford work truck. I’m by no means picking on that Ford. That bad boy runs better than my M.G. ever has. It just isn’t cute, if you know what I mean.
Towards the end of February an Iraqi SCUD hits a United States Barracks in Saudi Arabia killing a bunch of our soldiers. I don’t know where Jimmy is or if he is okay. I’m not a family member so I would never be notified if something bad had happened. All l can hope for is that his mom would tell me.
I’m again glued to CNN. I get letters so late that the letters I get for the next two weeks won’t even tell me if Jim’s okay. I wait on pins and needles until I finally get a call from him.
When Jimmy calls I instantly go from relieved to ecstatic because a few days after the SCUD attack, Iraq accepted ceasefire terms. Desert Storm is over. I have heard some of the soldiers will be returning home.
As soon as I speak with Jimmy, my hopes are destroyed. Because he is in the Engineering Battalion, he will have to stay. I guess to clean up. I have no idea. I don’t know, I don’t understand, and I probably never well. He thinks it will only be a few more months though and at least he’s okay.
Jimmy doesn’t have much over there, but I know he has a little purple boombox. I hear a song on the radio by Stevie B. It’s called “Because I Love You”. Everyone calls it, “The Postman Song”. We have a few songs that mean a lot to us like Tesla’s “Love Song” and “Unchained Melody”, but this song is so right now. Every time I hear it I start crying. This is one of those songs that I would have written if I had the ability.
I run out and buy it on cassette. The whole album is good. Some songs are kind of dance-y, but it is mostly love songs. I send him a copy telling him to listen to “Because I Love You.”
© C. Callinsky 2006 to infinity
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